THE ANNOYING "ADVICE GIVER" WHO JUST WANTS TO GET INTO YOUR FRIENDS UNDERWEAR
An observational rant :
Life..its a weird thing..it has the occasional perks but mostly it likes to tie you down and force you to watch repeats of Made In Chelsea till your eyeballs bleed out ..then give you a Marks & Spencer's plastic cutlery set to cut yourself free with whilst slapping you in the face with a stale baguette..anyways lets begin...
An observational rant :
Life..its a weird thing..it has the occasional perks but mostly it likes to tie you down and force you to watch repeats of Made In Chelsea till your eyeballs bleed out ..then give you a Marks & Spencer's plastic cutlery set to cut yourself free with whilst slapping you in the face with a stale baguette..anyways lets begin...
You are out with friends, the night has been great but someone you are with is sad..maybe a nail chipped..maybe they cant carry on with life because they're hair extensions don't match the skirting board in daddy's manor house..a common problem we all suffer..(might I add this doesn't express the caliber of all the people I actively choose to associate with)
As the night progresses we all try to impart some words of comfort, deep down non of us truly care..but as we all have the human weakness for facade we put on the show non the less..waterworks ensue and we all feel pretty damn depressed..you can only smoke so many cigarettes to ignore interaction with this person till everyone's eyes feel like its been pressed against a car exhaust pipe..
We all carry on telling stories in an over excited manner to disguise the fact that everyone listening truly doesn't give a damn that we are wearing Tuesday socks on a Thursday ..or you had a tough time putting the submarine sized suppository up your butthole..
We all carry on telling stories in an over excited manner to disguise the fact that everyone listening truly doesn't give a damn that we are wearing Tuesday socks on a Thursday ..or you had a tough time putting the submarine sized suppository up your butthole..
Human interaction is a joyous thing to behold especially when you watch people that seem to resemble a 10 minute audio car wreck..simple things in life..anyways..
The sad person in question at this point has slowly started to regain a sense of self confidence and is coming round when BAM....out of the dark..emerges captain resolution...he cares..he isn't putting on a show..he wants to take her away from the horrible heathens she's dwelling with and make her feel better....so he can screw the living marrow out of her.
This persons intentions however seem absolutely impenetrable to detection apart from EVERY..SINGLE..male in the vicinity.To add more salt to the gaping puss filled wound that's is life ,he proceeds to directly and in-directly make you all out to be the problem and reassures her he KNOWS EXACTLY how she's feeling..infact..BETTER than she actually knows herself..wow what a boss! I truly wouldn't care if it wasn't for the fact he sits on the same table you are all on...asking for trouble?YES!!!
They say that love is a chemical reaction between people...in this case the only chemical floating around is Rohypnol and I wouldn't put it past him. A conversation of short proportions turns into jazz hands..when i say jazz hands..its a full body grope..but remember ..he knows you better than you do..and im pretty sure you will find out sooner than later he wasn't lying!
So a word of advice - don't chip your nails and don't dye your hair so it doesn't match daddy's manors skirting board and you might avoid a bad night.
Its also good to note no matter how hard to you try to intervene you will ALWAYS come out looking like an absolute doouche SO just buy yourself another pint and maybe write a blog..it will always happen again same time next week..TUNE IN.
BEAR GRYLLS
An observational rant:
I confess ive watched a lot of his show in awe..why on earth would you willingly want to climb into a shifting polar ice cap because its dangerous or drink your own urine through the dead carcass of a snake whilst crossing a raging white water rapid with only the entrails of a dead yak to stay afloat with which he found strewn on a mountain ridge ?..I think the program needs a spin off called "Bear Grylls Dirty Pint Survivor" the object to mix as many disgusting items into a glass and sit back and watch..I think it would sell...
all round its amusing television..but we all know when the camera turns off its off to the nearest Hilton hotel..
Its also good to note no matter how hard to you try to intervene you will ALWAYS come out looking like an absolute doouche SO just buy yourself another pint and maybe write a blog..it will always happen again same time next week..TUNE IN.
BEAR GRYLLS
An observational rant:
I confess ive watched a lot of his show in awe..why on earth would you willingly want to climb into a shifting polar ice cap because its dangerous or drink your own urine through the dead carcass of a snake whilst crossing a raging white water rapid with only the entrails of a dead yak to stay afloat with which he found strewn on a mountain ridge ?..I think the program needs a spin off called "Bear Grylls Dirty Pint Survivor" the object to mix as many disgusting items into a glass and sit back and watch..I think it would sell...
all round its amusing television..but we all know when the camera turns off its off to the nearest Hilton hotel..
